


It Hurts When Angels Fall

by Charmingwolf



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s05e19 Hammer of the Gods, Fallen angels are marked, Falling Angels, Falling angels headcannon, Following cannon, Journal Entries, Love Confessions, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 19:38:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2240985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charmingwolf/pseuds/Charmingwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel keeps notes on the other angels in his journal. He keeps notes on everything the Angel Tablet doesn't talk about. The important things like how angels fall. Though Gabriel doesn't know what happens when Archangels fall but he will soon find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Hurts When Angels Fall

**Highlighted Entry One  
Explanations**

Falling...Hurts. At least that’s what I’ve heard. I can’t truly fall. I can't ever lose my wings and grace but I know many of my brothers and sisters over the course of the millennia have… fallen. But there are different types of falling; all of them hurt none the less  
Firstly, fallen angels are marked. Normal angels cannot feel their grace fading at first so the mark stands as a warning. It hurts to have your vessel burned but it also hurts to have grace dissipate later in the process. Grace is the closest thing an angel has to a soul and just like a soul, grace cannot be healed and it cannot be replaced without consequences. The consequences of replacing a grace can range from fading out of existence to exploding, maybe. So because the grace is fading the marks can never be healed, it can't even be erased. The mark replaces the angel’s wings when the wings fall apart and can’t ever grow back. I’ve often heard that being marked as fallen is a lot like having your feathers plucked one by one, slowly and painfully.  
My little brother, Castiel, is a prime example of an angel that is falling slowly. Slowly falling means that an angel’s wings are coming apart and every feather burns on the vessel one at a time. This process is not reversible because an angel falling this way can never stop until their grace is completely gone and they are human. The marks heal once they are human but never quite go away. Little bro Cas is falling at a snail break pace but normally slow falling angels are completely gone within a few months.  
The other kind of fall is one I like to call “Insta-Fall.” These angels fall straight from heaven and are born as humans. Their marks are normally blob-like shapes on their back that are called “Birthmarks” by humans. But really these shapes are the angel’s wings. As they grow and mature as humans the marks become more defined to show the individual feathers. At some point the mark burns like a slow fall angel’s but it doesn't last long and heals over rather quickly. A big difference between slow falling and Insta-fall is that Insta-falls can get their grace back. The grace separates from the angel when they fall from heaven so it can be found if looked for. This grace can never fade but the wings can’t grow back.  
I am an archangel though. These rules may not apply to me. An archangel has never fallen by normal means so to my knowledge I can never truly fall; I don't lose my wings or my grace. I would just get the mark if I were to fall. The only Archangel to fall didn’t really fall. He was cast out. Falling and Cast out are two different things. When cast out an angel keeps their grace and their wings may or may not be burned to a crisp. In the case of Lucifer when he lost his connection to heaven he also put the mark on every one of his vessels. This mark isn't noticeable because it is faded to near invisibility. That is until some idiot says the magic word. Then the mark will become bright red and burns hotter than hell itself.  
That is Lucifer though and he has lost his wings completely but he is still pretty juiced up. So no one knows what really happens to a fallen Archangel.

What happens when I fall?  
Because we know Michael and Raphael aren't falling anytime soon.

~~~~~

**Highlighted Entry Two  
Falling**

I am Falling.  
It hurts.  
It hurts a lot.  
Think touching a hot stove while getting a tattoo times a million.

The first feather fell a few weeks ago. After I had a run in with the Winchesters, actually.  
They really have a way of speaking that makes an angel’s wings just burn to a crisp. I just wanted to freak them out enough so they would get this whole Apocalypse thing over with so I can sit out the last days of earth in peace.

Now look at what happened.

~~~~~

**Highlighted Entry Three  
How**

I never said what makes an angel fall.  
Angels are supposed to cherish humanity and protect them. This is our prime directive. The last mission God ever gave to us. I remember the exact words He said.

“They are my children. My finest creation. Take care of them in my absence.”

Lucifer screamed and yelled like a child, he claimed he could never care for anything more than God. Michael accepted the order. Raphael said he would accept the mission but did so with a scowl on his face.  
I left.  
I didn’t coddle Humanity nor did I call them disgusting pigs. I merely lived among them and became a god. A terrible god that dished out just desserts and drank too much mead with my adoptive family. So I should have fallen a long time ago by human standards of falling.  
Angels don’t fall when they leave heaven. Oh no. They fall when they love.  
Anna fell in love with the idea of humanity. Castiel fell for...well we all know who he fell for. And I...I fell for-  
It doesn’t matter who I fell for. What matters is that I fell because of the Winchesters.

~~~~~

**Highlighted Entry Four  
Gone**

My bottom set of wings are gone. My grace hasn’t faded but I fear it will.  
An Archangel has never fallen like this.  
Anything could happen

~~~~~

**Highlighted Entry Five  
Standing up**

I’ve been thinking about what the Winchesters said and you know what? I’m gonna do it. I am going to stand up to my brother. It doesn't matter that my middle pair is starting to burn away but I have to stand up. It’s the least I could do for them…

For him

~~~~~

**Reality**

Invisible feathers littered the air.  
“Lucifer. You’re my brother and I love you but you are a great big bag of dicks.” Gabriel stood his ground. His blade held up defensively.  
“What did you just say to me?” Lucifer snarled.  
They talked. Gabriel explained their positions. Lucifer called him a traitor.  
The messenger of God could feel the last feather on his middle set of wings etch into his back as they talked. He was down to his last set and he didn't know what was going to happen now. He could feel his power drain quickly.  
Lucifer stop mid-insult of humanity to smile. His expression went from one of anger and confusion to one of pity.  
“Oh brother,” the devil smirked, “My poor brother. How does it feel?”  
“What are you talking about?” Gabriel tried to sound confident in his question but his voice gave away his nervousness.  
“You’re falling,” Lucifer said pointing to Gabriel and taking a step forward, “How does it feel?”  
“I-I’m not falling,” Gabriel tried to stand up straighter; he shifted from foot to foot.  
“Yes you are. Your grace is fading as we speak,” Lucifer laughed.  
Gabriel was frozen in place. His blade started to leave its place in front of his face. His shoulders fell slightly and the fresh burns on his back stung against his clothes. Thoughts started to run slowly like mud.  
Suddenly he blinked and readjusted his posture to cover up his falter. Then he was standing behind Lucifer. A double taking his place in front of his brother. A fast enough switch that it would never be picked up.  
The double picked up on the conversation like Falling was never mentioned.  
“I am on their side. Nothing can change that,” It said. Lucifer’s smile erased itself from his vessel’s face.  
“I know you think you’re doing the right thing, Gabriel. But I know where your heart,” Lucifer shifter his foot back an inch or two. Gabriel started to raise his blade. “Truly lies.”  
The devil turned around, quickly grabbed Gabriel’s blade and thrust it into his stomach. Gabriel grabbed Lucifer’s shoulder, pain taking over his body and words leaving his lips only to be replaced with pitiful sounds that could almost be begging. His eyes were wide with fear and sadness when Lucifer whispered “Here.”  
Gabriel’s pain blocked out the rest of Lucifer’s speech when his brother grabbed his head and looked him in the eyes. He was saying something serious and scary all to prove a point. Then Lucifer twisted the blade and Gabriel burst into light with a scream.  
Lucifer dropped his brother’s body on the ground and began to cry. He wept and mourned at the death of his brother.  
Gabriel was gone. His last pair of wings were etched into the floor, the blood from his burns started to seep through his clothes and his grace was evaporated.

~~~~~

A box arrived at the Men of Letters bunker, addressed to Sam Winchester.  
“Who would be sending us packages?” Dean asked  
“No clue. Maybe someone wrote down the coordinates years ago and set up a time for a package to be sent. I mean that’s what happened with the Phoenix,” Sam rambled, turning the box over in his hands before ripping off the paper covering.  
"Yeah but with the phoenix bobby at least had an address..." dean's words faded as the box was placed on the table.  
A plain black box was revealed. The box wasn’t covered in symbols or painted with intricate designs. It was just a boring night black box that was taped shut with no lock. Dean watched closely as Sam peeled away the tape and opened it cautiously. Once open the box lay quietly on the table. A book sat squarely in the box on top of a pile of golden feathers.  
The taller man carefully took out the book and ran his fingers over the cover. It was small, bound in brown leather and filled with yellowing pages. Sam opened to the front page; a name was written in multiple languages down the page, he then skimmed through the book quickly before placing it back onto the feathers and closing the box.  
“I guess I have something new to study,” Sam sighed.  
Dean nodded and heaved himself to his feet to go to the kitchen and Sam went to his room.  
For a few days the box sat in the center of the table. Until one day after a hunt Sam sat down in front of it. Dean was in the shower and Cas hadn’t been around for days. Sam had nothing better to do so he opened the box. From the time he first opened it and saw the feathers he knew where the box was from.  
The book still sat in the box and the feathers were still covering the bottom when Sam opened the box. He took the book out and opened it to the first page, he read through the names in all the different languages until he landed on the English translation.

_Gabriel_

Sam’s breathing stopped for a second as he turned to the next page. Reading through every entry slowly and careful as if he was trying to memorize every word. The entries were very informative about angel culture and how angels grow from fledglings to full blown angels. A few entries were highlighted at the top; the entries were about Fallen angels and personal entries. The only thing never mentioned was whom Gabriel fell for but Sam had a pretty good idea.  
Sam got to the last entry. He stared at it and all his theories were solidified  
“For him,” Sam whispered to himself, “Oh Gabriel, why would you…” His voice faded off as he closed the small book and pulled box closer.  
The feathers fluttered softly as Sam looked into the box and took a deep breath. Sam then had a thought and started to slowly and carefully take the feathers out. He did this until the feathers sat on the wood table, shimmering under the lights in perfect well-kept condition. Sam sat with the box in his hands; under the feathers was an envelope with beautiful golden handwriting on it. It read Sam and his breath hitched.  
Sam took the envelope out and placed the box on the table next to the pile of feathers. The letter was sealed with red wax, the symbol of Gabriel pressed into it. Sam careful dug a nail under the wax until it popped off then he opened the envelope and took out the paper within. The letter was one page but the writing took up the whole page. Sam hesitated to read the letter but he knew that delaying the inevitable would only make reading this last testament of Gabriel hurt more.  
The handwriting wasn’t the neatest compared to Gabriel’s journal but it was legible and written in simple black.

_Dear_ ~~Sammy Samoose Sammich~~ Sam,  
If you are reading this I am dead and you have read my journal. I set this up so you got the box only if the apocalypse is over and you are still alive. Hopefully it got to you sooner than later but this is not the point of the letter.  
You know I am falling and you probably already figured out for whom but just so you aren’t questioning yourself. Its you.  
I am falling because of you.  
I think I liked you before I started falling but I didn’t fall in love with you until that day in the warehouse when you and your brother told me to stand up to Lucifer. Your strength and courage made my heart soar and I started thinking that I should take you away. I thought about taking you out to get coffee and watching movies. Curling up by your side, holding your hand, kissing you softly, cooking for you and talking to you for hours about stupid mundane things.  
The point is that I sacrificed everything we could have had because I wanted you to live through the end of the world.  
I just want you to know that…  
I love you

**Gabriel**  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this fic!  
> Please leave kudos and comments!


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